wired

Yesterday I came across this Wired article "10 Reasons To Throw Away Your Cellphone", the contents of which I wholeheartedly do not agree with. Therefore, I shall refute each claim and defeat the evil cellphone haters.

1. It makes your life more complicated: Wrong, my cellphone makes my life easier. It makes my wife less angry with me, it helps me when I am lost, it amuses me when I am in a line, it helps me realize what meetings I am missing, it lets me check my email without starting my stupid laptop, and, above all, it lets me call people wherever I am. My cellphone makes life more complicated than sitting alone in the woods, yes, but easier on the whole.

2. It's horribly expensive: Maybe. Thankfully my Nokia E61i super phone is a loaner from Nokia and my bill is EQO subsidized. For me it is cheap, and that's what's really important. For the rest of the world, cost versus benefit, people are shelling out aren't they?

3. It enslaves you to a one sided contract: Agreed, the carriers are screwing us because they can, but without them our phones would just be walkie talkies. Googletel, please save us.

4. It makes you perpetually available: Turn it off. Set it to silent and ignore it.

5. It is boring: Clearly this man has not played S-Tris 2 for S60 3rd edition or taken naughty pictures and immediately Shozu'd them to unsuspecting victims. And how could he cite the iPhone as boring!?! The iPhone is the most fantastically amusing device I have ever come across.

6. It must constantly be recharged: True, but so must all of us. This is really not that bad, I spend more than half my life sitting at my desk or driving, both convenient charging locations. I have never run out of battery, plus batteries these days usually get at least a few days.

7. It knows where you are: If you are like me, and you are, nobody cares where you are. More important is that you know where you are, which is really the true value of GPS on a phone.

8. It encourages stupid people to become a public menace: That I will agree with, cellphone use while driving is bad. Thankfully I have been blessed with the prodigious skills required to call my wife every night on the way home from work. Come on, everybody does it.

9. Ubiquitous pleather accessory shops: I agree, I hate cellphone accessories, mostly because I work in Richmond, BC, land of Hello Kitty cell straps. I am defeated on point nine, but I must go on...

10. It turns you into a public annoyance: Whatever, everybody can remember a hilarious incident involving a poorly timed incoming call! There is truth to this point, but with great power comes great responsibility. We can all do our part; I throw popcorn at, or kick if they are close enough, anybody who even opens their phone in a movie theater.

I believe I have proven by the theory of mathematical induction that cellphones are indeed quite beneficial. Even though I failed to strike down each and every point, I still give myself 7/10.

Q.E.D.

Chris
EQO Customer Evangelist