online dating

  “...if this sounds like you, drop me a line.”

This whole Facebook craze has gotten me thinking about another, perhaps more original use for social networking – online dating. The above quotation by the way, is my favourite online dating profile avatar that I’ve ever came across.

Being old enough to remember when the worldwide web really started to take off, it wasn’t long after that online dating began gripping our nations, coast to coast. I remember geeks and social outcasts I knew who couldn’t get a date to save their lives, started finding true love and soul mates through emails and Instant Messenger like it was going out of style. Not much has changed in the way of online dating technology since then, but rather people have gotten smarter in their online approach.

I guess at first it never really occurred to people seeking love that the photos and online chats they were having with their prospective mate may not be a true representation of who that person really was, or better yet – how the person really looked (except of course for the people specifically using it for this advantage). If I had a dollar for every story I heard about people posting fake photos or misrepresenting themselves well, let’s just say, I wouldn’t be writing this blog – I’d be telling my monkey servants what to do. I think people like me, who met prospective dates the old-fashioned, classy way (after 6 or so drinks in the local meat market pub), associated online dating as the “virtual bar for losers” – but then something happened.

As the days grew shorter, and the nights grew longer, I began growing increasingly older, and increasingly single. By then I had ditched my pixie haircut and baggy jeans for a cheap suit and entry level corporate position, and was finding it harder and harder to meet dateable people that weren’t married or crazy – or both. After dating my last psycho that I had met at the bar I had a moment of clarity – i could have met that psycho online, and I could have likely weeded them out a lot sooner through IM chats and emails from the comfort and safety of my own home. Yes, it was time to create my first online dating profile.

I quickly sought out the perfect photo of Jessica Biel to pass off as myself, and created a very generic and cheesy profile (candlelit dinners, long walks, beaches, “i work out regularly” (haha suckers), etc.).  I also quickly devised a meeting strategy – I’d pretty much meet anyone I deemed worthy (everyone) in a very public place, and have my friend call me 15 minutes into the date so I could make my escape if necessary (I swear I invented this)...*sheer genius*

I won’t however bore you with the details of my online escapades (those will one day be published in my memoirs). I’d rather like to quickly run through some much needed improvements to online dating sites:

Make buying credits mandatory. All you losers out there – and you know who are – if you put “although I do not have a credit card, money, full-time job, any job, etc., etc. to purchase credits with, I will respond if you email me...” I’m sorry, but if you can’t spend upwards of 15 DOLLARS (or don’t have a sufficient credit rating to do so) on finding a prospective casual date, relationship or casual encounter, you have NO BUSINESS online dating.

Add the “Hot or Not” application to everyone’s profile picture. I have no idea why this concept has lost popularity over the years. With thousands of men and women online at any given time, this would REALLY help people weed thru the bottom-feeders in an efficient and humourous manner.

‘Smiles’ are always free online...which is great, but why not take it a step further – I say, open-up the Microsoft suite of emoticons to list of available free responses such as:These could really go a long way conveying emotions that sometime words just can’t do justice.

And finally, on a related note and as a personal favour to a friend who is actively seeking a mate on Plenty of Fish (and yes I realize the irony of advertising a free dating site given my number 1, and I’ve been heavily encouraging him to SPEND SOME MONEY on a girl), I promised I would promote his profile (with his permission). Meet Joe Krevs (don’t worry ladies -- I said “Krevs” not crabs). He’s my West Side buddy and he’s awesome and single (awesomely single, that is, *zing!*) But seriously, he’s my boy... so get in there while the getting’s good! With a face like this he won’t last long... You can find his profile on the Vancouver, BC network at www.plentyoffish.com.

- JHO